Yo yo, what's up xanga-land? Its been quite a while, eh? I haven't really been digging the public journal kinda thing lately but I wanted to take a minute and update this puppy.

      A lot of things have been going on lately and things have and still are changing. What have I been up to lately? Well, that's easy: work and school. I have been busting my butt trying to get my hours in at work while still excelling at school. I also have been spending a lot of time building a relationship with what I like to call my 5 foot 2 bundle of joy, LoL. Things have been great with Amber and I lately, especially since fall retreat. I definitely feel like a burden has been lifted off of my back since that weekend and I am loving the freedom of just living life. For those of you that have read my journal in the past, you know that living life is something that I struggle with at times....okay, I lied....I struggle with it ALL the time but I'm getting better.

      I have stepped out of leadership with Crusade and I have been attempting to focus on my personal relationship with Christ and my relationship with Amber as well. I would say that things have been going well in both departments despite my numerous shortcomings. I have been finding God's grace especially sweet this week after struggling so much last week (1 regular test, 1 27-question essay exam, a 21 page paper, and another paper on the side). I found it EXTREMELY difficult to find time for God last week aside from prayer. I just didn't have time to breathe...it really sucks because I know that God comes first but why didn't I let him last week? Erg! But oh well...as Amber reminds me, I'm not perfect and I can't expect to be perfect.

      Okay, so now is when I ask for your prayers. I know that a lot of my friends love to pray but they just need a little bit of prompting at times...well, here is my prompt. If you would be willing, please pray for my sister this week. She is on a 2-month missions trip in South America and has been sick; pray for healing. I would also like to have prayer for the development of my character and integrity as a man. Its finally time to step up and start walking the walk again and I need to be empowered by the Holy Spirit more now than ever so please pray for that. I want to be motivated, I want to be encouraged, I want to be EMPOWERED so that I can walk with the Spirit at all times.

Thanks friends.

--Richie

      Hey everyone, its been quite a while since I've updated but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it a couple times. I just wanted to let you all know that things have really begun to look up for me since the last entry. I've been working 50+ hours each week at my job and I've gotten involved in One Accord (a young adults ministry at a local church). Life is just coasting right now...I don't have much free time so time just kinda floats by. I work 10 hours a day, go to Bible study or something, then spend my weekends with my girlfriend and start it all over again. I'm really hoping to get more time to myself here this week so that I can read more and spend more time in reflection while Amber is overseas.

      I am beginning to see God's purposes for what has happened this summer and it has got me curious as to what He has in store for me the rest of the summer. Next week is the fourth of July, then I go to a concert on saturday, then I see Amber the following weekend, then the next two saturdays are spent at weddings, and the two weeks are spent on a road trip to Cali. I think I'll be moving back to campus on August 15 and 16. I think that pretty much does it for the summer, wouldn't you say?

      Four more weeks of waking up at 5 am and busting my butt on a hot roof. I can't wait for school. I can't wait for CRU. I can't wait to move into my house. I miss all of my close brothers and sisters in Christ and I yearn to be with them again.

     Please be praying for me this week. Pray that I continue to grow in my relationship with Christ and that I find time to read more this week. I want to grow....I want to be ON MISSION for Christ. So be it (Amen).

Your Brother in Christ,

Richie

      My summer has been pretty hard thus far; hardly anything is going as expected. I was able to take a walk today for about an hour and then I found myself in the middle of nowhere but worst of all, in the middle of a terrible downpour. I feel as though what happened today is symbolic of what my life has been like these last three weeks: I'm not where I wanna be and I have no control over what is going on around me. I've been here and there all summer and its hard for me to believe that three weeks have already flew by. My stay in Ohio during the first week of May got cut 4 days short when Bryce's sister had to be taken to the hospital and I never got the quality time with him that I so eagerly expected and I came back to begin an ongoing workplace saga. Let's just say that over the last three weeks, I've only worked ONE day at my landscaping job and I am a little upset about it. Its like no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get settled. I have tried to find a better job but have come up empty thus far. I even got desperate enough to drive up to Chalmers and work for Amber's dad on the farm for a couple of days. Now its looking like I might start working for a tree trimming company unless I can find work as a cabinet installer/carpenter.

      Anyways, this entry isn't about my job situation, its about my life. I guess I just realized today how much I'm never "here." No matter where I am, I am hardly ever "here." I always seem to be stuck somewhere else. For example, while I sit at home, all I can do is think about how much I really wish I was working. Its really hard for me to just live my life and go with the flow. It's really hard for me to find my place in life when I am always somewhere else. I don't know about you guys but I'm in a season of my life when I have a million more questions than I have answers.

      I don't really know who I am....I know who I want to be, but not necessarily who I am. I'm still learning about myself and who God has created me to be and its frustrating at times because I am beginning to see some of my inconsistencies. I hate being caught in lingo of who I am and who God has created me to be. Sometimes I wish I could put an end to things before I start them. I wish I truly believed at all times that I am MORE than a conqueror and that I would embrace the power of the Holy Spirit inside me. I know that God is infinitely more than anything I could ever want or desire but I still find myself dissatisfied and it can only because of the distance between me and my Savior...so where is the gap in my relationship? But what is causing that distance? It has to be sin, but what sin? I think the sin that is keeping me from experiencing joy and peace of Jesus Christ is selfishness. I am on the throne of my life again and I can feel it...I was outside raking some dead grass today and all I could think about was my job situation and how I have one job on the table that would hire me tomorrow but that I really didn't want to work that job cuz it is extremely physically grueling and boring but then I began to think that maybe its not about what I want, maybe its about doing what I can.

      I have gotten sooo wrapped up in getting what I want that I have lost focus of what life is about; you just gotta take life as it is sometimes. This is why I went on that walk that led me into the thunderstorm. Life isn't what you want it to be sometimes and I am beginning to realize it. I've gotten pretty much everything I've wanted over the course of my life but that is just not how life always works. This isn't summer project anymore: I don't have employers lining up the block to hire me, I don't have 100 friends a matter of 10 feet away from me, I don't have the money to do anything I want...I can't just go here and there and be okay with it anymore. I am beginning to feel the pressures of real life. Here's the newsflash that came to me...RICHIE, YOU ARE A SENIOR IN COLLEGE...ONE YEAR FROM NOW, YOU WILL BE DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER AND YOU WILL BE HOME FOR WHAT COULD ME A VERY LONG TIME.

      Wow....what is life gonna be like when I'm done with college, living here at home? If I don't get a job utilizing my degrees, what will I be doing? In reality, things are gonna be A LOT different. I am not gonna have an infinite number of friends anymore. I'm not gonna have the freedom to go visit people and travel here and there anymore. I am going to have a real life, 5 days a week job whether I like it or not. Life isn't gonna be about me anymore, its gonna be about making ends meet, paying off student loans, and making relationships work. I can only imagine what life will be like next year when I will be a college graduate and my girlfriend will be a junior with three years left until her graduation. Ooooh man, that is gonna be hard but even moreso, its gonna be reality.

      If there is anything I learned while I was up at Amber's farm, its this: work is life and life is work. You see, when you are a farmer, your work is your life because your house/farm is your workplace and whatever you do that day determines whether or not you make money or lose it. You can work in the fields all day and then come home from "work" and then go fix a broken down fence, feed the animals, and cook supper as parts of your everyday life....but my question is, where do you distinguish the two? Where does work end and life begin? Think about this as I close...someday we will all be "grown-ups" and we will be the ones working 40 to 50 hours a week while trying to maintain a house and raise kids. How will we maintain significantly close relationships and raise kids and all that other stuff at the same time? That, my friends, is real life and that is the very thing I have been contemplating today because someday it will be reality.

Waiting Upon Him,

Richie

      Four more days....four more days of being here, of being a Lafollette resident, of being a junior. Sigh...where has the time gone? I was asked that today and I now pose the same question. I love where God has taken me over the past three years and I see His hand moving and shaping me into who I am today and I see where some of the choices I've made have affected who I became along the way. I look back on freshman year and the person I was and who God was to me and then I think about going on summer project in Ocean City and how that radically changed my life and set me on the course I am still traveling. That led me into my sophomore year where I experienced some of the most painful yet deepening experiences of my entire life. I look back on my struggle about whether to go on  another summer project or to do an internship with a church back home and I DEFINITELY see that it was God's will for me to go to Myrtle Beach last summer...it changed the course my eternity was taking. It showed me a lot about who I am and who God is; it opened my eyes to see and experience Jesus as an actual person who completely loves and accepts me for who I am no matter what I do.

      I wouldn't trade any of my life for anything. Even the bad has been used for good. God has taken this lowly servant and built him into the man of God you see today. Its weird to sit and think that I won't be going on another summer project this summer. I sit at church and wonder what my life would be like if I did go on another project but I know that isn't where God has me this summer. Nevertheless, I am beginning to miss it. I miss going on summer project, the opportunity to share that experience with 100 other people, to be on mission for God in a group of believers who are SOLD OUT for Christ....I miss that. I have been surrounded by individuals this year who are solid Christians yet lack that type of mentality, who lack that passion....that fire. Oh how I long to be a part of something blessed by the Holy Spirit. If anything, I want this summer to be just that. I want to step out when I need to step out and to find a group of believers who radically desire to see God move in the hearts of non-believers. I don't want to take this summer off and say "oh well...if I was on a project, I'd go share my faith but since I'm not, I'll just go watch tv and play xbox the rest of the day." Oh what a waste that would  be.

      I was reading recently and came across a verse in Timothy that really spoke to this mindset: "Be prepared in and out of season..." This tells us that we must be ready to do God's work in AND out of season; there is NO offseason. Hmmmm.....so what does that mean in my life? Where am I going to find that type of community and fellowship? Where is my ministry going to be? Goooooooood question...I don't know but I've been praying for just that and I'll ask you all to do the same, not just for me but for you as well. What does God will for you to do this summer? He has a plan for your life, but what is it?

      Hmmmmm....four more days. How am I going to spend them? If you haven't noticed, I've decided to stay until Thursday instead of leaving Wednesday night so now I can save all the packing and book selling for Thursday and keep my other days open for quality time with my friends before we depart. I was looking at a picture just before I wrote this and it almost brought me to tears....I'm really gonna miss being here with you guys and I don't just mean here at Ball State, I mean here as in the dorms, as in our current relationships, as in where we are as friends. Things change from year to year and people come and go but before any of you go and before schedule conflicts keep us from spending time together, know this: I love you guys and I truly appreciate who you are as people and who God has made you to be. I rejoice in knowing that you will be back here waiting for me in August. I rejoice that God has placed me in such a great cloud of witnesses and I pray blessings upon you all as we leave for the summer.

Be blessed and encouraged today, my friends,

Richie Bauchle